红板砖开发信,超级评审团毒舌点评13封真实英文开发信，看看你有没有中招（二）

红板砖开发信，超级评审团毒舌评论13封真正的英文开发信，看看你有没有中招(2)的核心内容

                                                                                               

红板砖开发信，超级评审团毒舌评论13封真正的英文开发信，看你有没有中招(2)正文

       

   

   04 分享第四个开发信案例

   

       

   

   Richard Harris

   

   Founder & Owner,The Harris Consulting Group

   

   I call this the “show up and throw up.” The idea to be specific and short is right,but you try to solve too many problems in a single email. This could actually be 3-4 different emails to the same person.

   

   我称之为 出现。具体而简短的想法是正确的，但你试图在电子邮件中解决太多的问题。这些内容实际上可能足以发送给同一个人3-4密封不同的邮件。

   

   Heather Morgan

   

   CEO,SalesFolk

   

   Ugh,this email looks like a bad ad for an info product from the 90’s. The sender mistakenly assumes that lists,bold font,and caps will make up for a lack of a cohesive and compelling message. It feels sketchy and is hard to read.

   

   这封电子邮件看起来像90年代信息产品的糟糕广告。发件人错误地认为，列表、粗体字和大写字母可以弥补缺乏凝聚力和引人注目的信息。它感觉很粗糙，很难阅读。

   

   Liz Cain

   

   VP Go-to-Market,Openview Partners

   

   The word “guarantee” brings to mind the negative connotations of sales – understand the problem before you guarantee a solution.

   

   保证 这个词让人联想到销售的负面内涵，在你保证解决方案之前，先了解具体问题。

   

   Jake Dunlap

   

   CEO,Skaled

   

   No one says “dear” anymore this isn’t a letter to your grandmama – terrible on so many fronts I don’t know where to start.

   

   没有人说 dear这不是给你奶奶的信，在很多方面都很糟糕，我甚至不知道从哪里开始评论。

   

   Josh Hill

   

   Sr. Manager of Demand Generation,RingCentral

   

   How do they know I am doing well or not? This is the classic stay-at-home mom spam engine that people get hooked into and then claim they make “thousands” a month from sending fake emails to people like us.

   

   他们怎么知道我做得好不好？这是一个典型的从垃圾邮件软件出来的电子邮件，然后该软件声称他们每月通过向像我们这样的人发送假电子邮件赚取数千元。

   

   Blake Harber

   

   Director of Sales Development,LucidCharts

   

   I would never read this email simply because it’s way too long and the bold all caps screams spam to me.

   

   我永远不会读这封邮件，只是因为它太长了，粗体大写对我来说是垃圾邮件。

   

   Nicolette Mullenix

   

   Director of Sales Development,DynamicSignal

   

   A prospect that doesn’t address me by my name immediately shows me that they don’t understand me or my pains. They could say one line about the website that they noticed and say “I have some ideas for improving your website and increase web conversions. We helped (insert company) increase (stat) in (timeframe).” Wait for the sales reps to sell the solution and use outbound outreach to drive initial interest.

   

   一个不叫我名字的潜在客户立即表明他们不了解我或我的痛苦。他们可以说他们注意到的网站，然后说：我有提高你的网站和提高网络转化率的想法。我们帮助公司在一定时间内增加数据。等待销售代表销售解决方案，并使用它来促进最初的兴趣。

   

   05 分享第五个开发信案例

   

       

   

   Jake Dunlap

   

   CEO,Skaled

   

   Emails from a CEO to a CEO should be strong and confident. This is most definitely a non-English Speaking sales rep hitting up a CEO in a bulk campaign. Someone should be proofreading.

   

   CEO写给CEO电子邮件应该是强而自信。这很可能是批量营销中不懂英语的销售代表CEO搭讪。应该有人校对。

   

   Ray Carroll

   

   VP of Sales,Engagio

   

   Appreciate the attempt to build rapport in the beginning,but it’s in the wrong place. That would need to go in the end and I don’t think you’ve earned the right to ask what his favorite place is.

   

   谢谢你一开始就试图建立关系，但这是错误的。这需要结束，我认为你没有权利问对方。

   

   Ralph Barsi

   

   Sr. Director Sales Development,ServiceNow

   

   My day’s moving 1000 mph.

   

   I’m in between meetings,walking from one conference room to the next – or worse,I’m hustling from one gate to the next to catch my connection flight.

   

   There’s a few minutes,however,to scroll through new emails on my phone. Let’s read the subject lines and see what’s come in…

   

   “This is your boss. Call me.” For sure.

   

   “They loved the proposal.” Sweet!

   

   “Your flight is on time.” Hallelujah!

   

   “Lead Generator for CRM.” (Record scratch) Huh? Delete.

   

   Subject lines are your gatekeepers. Invest time and energy in crafting them.

   

   我的一天在以1000英里的速度前进。

   

   我从一个会议室从一个会议室走到另一个会议室–更糟糕的是，为了赶上我的转机航班，我正从一个登机口匆匆赶到另一个登机口。

   

   然而，几分钟后，我可以在手机上滚动浏览新邮件。让我们阅读主题，看看它来了什么……

   

   我是你的老板。打电话给我。 当然

   

   他们很喜欢我的求婚 真好！

   

   你的飞机准时起飞 哈利路亚！

   

   客户关系管理系统线索生成器 呃？删除

   

   主题线是你的守门人。投入时间和精力制作它们。

   

   Heather Morgan

   

   CEO,SalesFolk

   

   Phrases such as “professionals in USA,” and “do you recommend me any special places” show an obvious lack of detail when it comes to grammar. The email also has zero personalization beyond the recipient’s first name.

   

   比如 美国专业人士，你有什么特别的地方推荐给我吗 ，语法上明显缺乏细节。除了收件人的名字，邮件中的个性化内容也为零。

   

   06 分享第六个开发信案例

   

       

   

   Steven Broudy

   

   Head of Sales Development Americas,Mulesoft

   

   “Given your role” does not equal personalization. It’s a total cop-out. Why should I spend fifteen minutes with you? What pain of mine are you addressing. PS: I don’t care about what your boiler pitch is.

   

   鉴于你的角色 不等于个性化，这是为了逃避问题。我为什么要花15分钟和你在一起？你要解决的是我的痛苦。PS：我不在乎你卖什么锅炉。

   

   Josh Hill

   

   Sr. Manager of Demand Generation,RingCentral

   

   I don’t understand why the elevator pitch is last. I probably didn’t make it that far because I wouldn’t just accept this offer to chat. If I were really keen,I would have researched providers and reached out.

   

   我不明白为什么电梯销售结束了。我可能还没有接受聊天提议。如果我真的热衷于此，我会研究供应商，然后主动联系。

   

   Blake Harber

   

   Director of Sales Development,LucidCharts

   

   Everyone is the “fastest growing” whatever in their industry. This doesn’t matter to prospects,nor do they care about your recent funding or investors. What you are really trying to say is,“We are a legit company that is trusted by many.” Prove it by telling me exactly how you helped someone just like me. Bonus points if it was someone in my network.

   

   每个人都说，在他们的行业中， 增长最快的人。这对潜在客户来说并不重要，他们也不关心你最近的基金或投资者。你真正想说的是，我们是一家受到许多人信任的合法公司。告诉我你是如何帮助像我这样的人来证明这一点的。如果你是我的联系人，那就加分。

   

   David Dulany

   

   Founder & CEO,Tenbound

   

   I like that it’s very short and to the point. Perhaps if Charlie is in fact the right guy for something like that,it could be a good time. But I’m pretty sure Charlie doesn’t have time that day,or immediately for a call. Give him a calendy link or some possible times. Or maybe don’t make a call your CTA,just try to drive them to a landing page or video to learn more.

   

   我喜欢它很短，很有针对性Charlie真的是合适的人选，也许是个好时机。但我很确定Charlie那天没有时间，或者没有时间马上打电话。给他一个时间表链接或其他时间。或者也许不要打电话给你CTA，试着把它们带到登录页面或视频中去了解更多。

   

   Ray Carroll

   

   VP of Sales,Engagio

   

   Way too long of a PS at the bottom -> the PS is longer than the body.

   

   底部的PS太长了，比正文还长。

   

   (来源:红板砖开发信) 以上内容属于作者个人观点，不代表跨境网的立场！本文经原作者授权转载，转载经原作者授权同意